washed

it is late...and i can't sleep...and so i sit and write.  it has been a long time since i have written.  a very long time.  i have been reminded of that.  i had a post written at one time...and it was accidentally deleted.  i thought it was beautiful.  it was eloquent.  it was not meant to be read.  so i write now.  this post that i wasn't sure i was really willing to write. 

so...where do i begin?  since my last post, so much has happened (read the stockbridge boiler room blog).  overwhelming at times.  there have been moments of mayhem, a virtual cyclone of dramatic events and yet there are times that God has given peaceful and restful times as well.  this peace and rest has been exactly what each of us has needed, interns, recovering addicts, and visitors.  in a way, we have experienced a washing of God's Spirit.  and in my mind...and as it is playing out...it all makes sense.

  

during the week of 24-7 prayer in December, God gave our community a word.  it was the word from Isaiah 61: "the spirit of the Lord is upon me..."  immediately I get this picture of the Holy Spirit coming upon this community, washing us, soaking our heads, dripping down over our foreheads and eyebrows, the refreshing feeling as it runs over our mouths, and falls upon our shoulders and runs down to our feet.  we are covered in it.  He has brought the pleasing refreshment and has allowed our response to be full, and rich, and beautiful.  and this wild call of the Spirit is here and is on the move.  and we can't help but notice.  

it is impossible to ignore. and so i won't.

instead i will rejoice in giving praise to our powerful God.  the Spirit washes with refreshing, living waters.  he has washed away the stronghold of addiction in the lives of several.  he has washed over weary hearts needing refreshing and the Spirit poured out upon his people has brought people face to face with his loving compassion.

at times i have found this outpouring of the Holy Spirit incredibly overwhelming...overwhelming in the sense that the only appropriate response is to fall on my face in utter worship, understanding the need that i have for the presence of the Spirit, the filling of the Spirit, the discernment of the Spirit, and the comfort of the Spirit.

over the past three weeks, the Spirit has been revealing himself to four particular men who have become very near and dear to many of us in the boiler room community.  we have stood in awe of Christ's love and the Spirit's movement in their lives as the scales that have molded to their eyes have fallen off and their eyes have begun to see the beauty of Christ's redemption. 

 

indeed the Spirit of the Lord is upon us.  the Lord has anointed all who have found him to preach the good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim the message of freedom for those in captivity and to release those living in darkness and show them light.  

he is restoring sight to the blind and the view for them is astonishing.  the view for us is astonishing.  it is a place of God's favor.  a place of beauty rather than ashes.  this is the work of the washing of the spirit.  the work where the overflow to God's favor brings the fullness of joy in any circumstance is where i want to be.  it is where he is leading us as a people chasing hard after him.

  

the Spirit of the Lord is upon me...praise be to the King of Kings...for he has done, is doing, and will continue to do marvelous things. 

 

isn't it great.

sounds nice right.  and it is.  it is nice.  but this is the part i have been struggling with.  what is my response to all of this.  for several weeks now it has been silence.  not sure how to proceed.  not sure how best to apply this pouring out.  this washing.  and so in a way, i have not accepted the fullness of God's Spirit.  i have been pouring out the offering onto others.  onto the men who have moved in here. those in the neighborhood who need help.  i have taken the best parts of this washing and given it to others.   and so i have had the peculiar dryness that for a while now i have not understood.  

and then...

"Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair.  The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume...'why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denari and given to the poor?'...Jesus said, 'Leave her alone...the poor you always have with you, and whenever you want you can do good for them. but you do not always have me.'"  

my best perfume...my best that i have has been given to those other than Jesus.  yes he has poured out his Spirit in order that we may proclaim his fullness to the poor and needed, my first response ought to be a pouring out of my best...my perfume that could be spent on the poor...onto Him...Jesus.  it is a fragrant offering.  Mary's offering was a fragrant offering preparing Jesus for his death.  

what is my offering.  in response to the pouring out of His Spirit upon me...His best...do i offer my best to him first as a fragrant offering given back to Him...or do i present the remains which, lately, has been next to nothing.

my heart longs to be mary...with recklessness pouring out my very best first onto Jesus' feet...and then with what remains given to those around me.

the Spirit of the Lord is upon me...  

 

surrender

...is a difficult thing...especially if fighting is all you've known for your entire life.  this is the reality Joe faces tonight as he sleeps in the prayer room.

last night Joe came to the house and joined us for our house meeting...not the most opportune time if looked at from a "getting things done" standpoint.  and yet, i am now convinced that he was meant to be there, just as he was meant to be there on Monday, and Saturday and all the other days he's come by drunk more times than not.

  

and i am now convinced that he was meant to be here today.

last night, i will admit, i was on the verge of being annoyed that Joe had stopped by. Couldn't we just get through a meeting without an interruption.  i went into the prayer room feeling very uneasy.  i chalked it up to starting school again the next morning...but of course it wasn't this. it wasn't this at all.  in the prayer room last night, i was deeply convicted that my attitude towards Joe was less than kind and i was being less than true to Christ.  My selfish attitude kept me from truly loving Joe last night.  My heart must be changed.  Less of me and more of Christ.

so today while i was sitting in class, i couldn't get joe off my mind.  i couldn't get joe off my mind.  i couldn't get joe off my mind.  and it was clear that God was prodding me to talk with Joe.  On my drive home from class, i knew...i just knew that i had to talk with Joe today.  when i walked through the door of the boiler room, there Joe stood with a snarly-toothed grin.

  

and i am now convinced that he was meant to be here today.

i saw him and immediately said: we need to talk.  and so we talked...for two and a half hours.  we talked about his life, his past, his present, his future and his addiction that keeps him from moving forward...and we talked about surrender...and his struggle to succumb to the still small voice that is calling his name in love.  Joe...you are loved.  Joe...come back to me. Joe...I love you.

and at the end of that conversation, Joe and i prayed.  Joe prayed...for the second time this week, after nearly ten years of silence.  and he stepped closer to surrender.  he is ready to surrender his addiction.  surrender to Jesus...not yet...but he is close.  he is very close.  

and so he sleeps in the room below mine tonight and i am struck with the nature of surrender.  the difficulty of surrender and yet the brilliance of victory that accompanies it. it is not weakness, though we are all very weak.  instead, it takes much more strength than all of the years combined that Joe has been fighting.  Joe is still fighting, but i think he is so very close to surrender.  and so we will continue to lift him up.  we will continue to bathe him in prayer.  and i ask the same from you.

without surrender, Joe would not be sleeping where he is tonight with a new hope and a McDonald's Big Mac and strawberry shake in his belly.  without surrender, i may have remained annoyed and uneasy about Joe.  i may have missed an opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  without surrender, none of us are able to truly by true to Christ.  

surrender is sweet.  it is difficult.  but it is good.  and it is what we all must do. it is here that we respond to that still, small voice that says:

you are loved...come back to me...i love you.

music

Tonight there was music coming from the garage.  Beautiful music.  And it wasn't simply music coming from Chip and James' radio as they continue to put up foam board or whitewash the walls...but real, joyful and pleasing music.  Songs sung by some fifty or so worshippers as they celebrated the God we serve, the love feast just shared, and life together.  And it provided another picture of what was and what is now and the in-between of hours of prayer and waiting on the Lord and hearing his voice and seeing HIM establish these things here in the small beginning. 

For some reason, the worship tonight was loud.  And while some may say that the acoustics of the garage gave way to a louder sound, I'd like to think that it was more than that...and I really think it was.  I think there was a true joy and amazement of God's provision in that place.  Amazement of the prayers answered over the course of the year.  The giving nature of those who came with food in hand for the love feast.  Excitement for the new faces who came to join us.  Thanksgiving that Marty and Kat (with a capital "K") stayed for worship.  And pure joy when Bill, Debba and Jeff walked into the garage and were greeted by loving people ready to welcome them in and give them their seat and a cup of hot soup and coffee.  And the music played on.  And it will continue to play on.  

I wish I could explain to you the feeling I got when I heard the music coming from the garage and knew, just knew, that our neighbors could hear it.  I know this because Jen, who was reading B a bedtime story heard it and had to come and see.  And so I know that there will come a day when our neighbors will no longer be able to just hear it and wonder...no no...they will need to come and check it out.  And I am praying for that. We are praying for that.

And I know that God answers prayers because tonight there was music coming from the garage.  Beautiful, joyful music that wasn't there even four months ago when it was filled with trash and the house was used for dealing and doing drugs and for prostitution.  

This house has been redeemed, and He is using it as a place for broken lives to be redeemed as well.  And I cant wait...I just can wait to see that prayer continue to be answered.  Because that will be beautiful music as well.

living community

I've been reading a couple books on my break from class this past month.  Once book that I have just recently started reading is Bonhoeffer's book, "Life Together."  I thought it appropriate to read because of the nature of my life these days.  Living a somewhat "monastic" lifestyle can be wearing and yet, so fulfilling at the same time.  I began reading the first chapter and was immediately met with the reality of what life has been here in the boiler room.  I am learning a lot about living in community here...real community.

I say real community because there is an aspect of community that we see in our workplaces, churches, and friendly circles this word "community" popping up everywhere.  It has in many ways become no more than a buzz word that we as hip and up-to-date Christians like to use to refer to our gatherings.  However, do we truly know what real, honest community is?

It is this question that I have been asking myself ever since I began this season of life, discovering the essence of community (and by no means to I have it figured out yet).  For some time, I wondered about the status quo that seemed to be placed upon community as it relates to the success or health of a community.  Would a true, Christ-centered community endure difficulties and strife and humanness if it were genuine?  While being a part of this boiler room community, I think the thing that has been placed at the forefront of my mind has been the reality of the humanness that I possess, as well as the humanness of all others within our community.  The failings of all of us in this community has kept us from reaching the unnamed utopia that often lingers in our minds as it relates to community...the so-called picture of harmonious life together.  But as of late, I have been wondering if that is truly the goal of community.  And I have come to the conclusion that, I don't think it is.  I am struck with Bonhoeffer's words as he writes about the nature of true, Christian community.  He says that

"Christian community is not an ideal we have to realize, but rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.  The more clearly we learn to recognize that the ground and strength and promise of all out community is in Jesus Christ alone, the more calmly we will learn to think about our community and pray and hope for it."

This truth of Christ's hand in community as that which comes solely from his creative imagination cause me to approach community from a completely different perspective.  I am beginning to realize the beauty in the seemingly weak and insignificant aspects of community that, while unattractive, may be that which God treasures most in our community.  It is the realization of our humanness as individuals and yet the unifying work of Jesus Christ in community.  A community centered on the bridegroom, Christ, will see the reconciliation and sanctification of broken and sinful hearts that are joined with Him.  

I have begun to really appreciate this beautiful community for its brokenness, genuineness, love, support and focus, and yet beyond that, deeper than that, there is a continuing appreciation for Christ's presence in community and his plan for it.  

And I will continue to learn about what it all means.