surrender

...is a difficult thing...especially if fighting is all you've known for your entire life.  this is the reality Joe faces tonight as he sleeps in the prayer room.

last night Joe came to the house and joined us for our house meeting...not the most opportune time if looked at from a "getting things done" standpoint.  and yet, i am now convinced that he was meant to be there, just as he was meant to be there on Monday, and Saturday and all the other days he's come by drunk more times than not.

  

and i am now convinced that he was meant to be here today.

last night, i will admit, i was on the verge of being annoyed that Joe had stopped by. Couldn't we just get through a meeting without an interruption.  i went into the prayer room feeling very uneasy.  i chalked it up to starting school again the next morning...but of course it wasn't this. it wasn't this at all.  in the prayer room last night, i was deeply convicted that my attitude towards Joe was less than kind and i was being less than true to Christ.  My selfish attitude kept me from truly loving Joe last night.  My heart must be changed.  Less of me and more of Christ.

so today while i was sitting in class, i couldn't get joe off my mind.  i couldn't get joe off my mind.  i couldn't get joe off my mind.  and it was clear that God was prodding me to talk with Joe.  On my drive home from class, i knew...i just knew that i had to talk with Joe today.  when i walked through the door of the boiler room, there Joe stood with a snarly-toothed grin.

  

and i am now convinced that he was meant to be here today.

i saw him and immediately said: we need to talk.  and so we talked...for two and a half hours.  we talked about his life, his past, his present, his future and his addiction that keeps him from moving forward...and we talked about surrender...and his struggle to succumb to the still small voice that is calling his name in love.  Joe...you are loved.  Joe...come back to me. Joe...I love you.

and at the end of that conversation, Joe and i prayed.  Joe prayed...for the second time this week, after nearly ten years of silence.  and he stepped closer to surrender.  he is ready to surrender his addiction.  surrender to Jesus...not yet...but he is close.  he is very close.  

and so he sleeps in the room below mine tonight and i am struck with the nature of surrender.  the difficulty of surrender and yet the brilliance of victory that accompanies it. it is not weakness, though we are all very weak.  instead, it takes much more strength than all of the years combined that Joe has been fighting.  Joe is still fighting, but i think he is so very close to surrender.  and so we will continue to lift him up.  we will continue to bathe him in prayer.  and i ask the same from you.

without surrender, Joe would not be sleeping where he is tonight with a new hope and a McDonald's Big Mac and strawberry shake in his belly.  without surrender, i may have remained annoyed and uneasy about Joe.  i may have missed an opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  without surrender, none of us are able to truly by true to Christ.  

surrender is sweet.  it is difficult.  but it is good.  and it is what we all must do. it is here that we respond to that still, small voice that says:

you are loved...come back to me...i love you.